Meet Erik Broz, GetYourChick's new dating coach:

Erik is joining my efforts to change Seattle's weird dating scene.  He's very experienced with dating and has been studying the art of confidence, approach, and communicating with women for years. 

Erik is naturally social, and if he's not out grabbing dinner or drinks with new and old friends, you'll find him playing soccer or ice hockey, biking, hiking, camping, or fishing. He's adventurous and will try everything at least once.  In his quieter, more grounded moments, you'll find him reading at the park, shopping at the farmers market, or drinking Dirty Chai Tea.  (This last activity has won him the nickname, Dirty Chai Guy, at many of Seattle's finest coffee shops.) He's one well-rounded guy, and it's very easy to have a conversation with him on any topic.

Together, Erik and I can completely turn your dating life around and help you find the relationship you've been looking for.  While I will continue giving you the female perspective and help you with style, planning dates, and online profiles, Erik will walk you through the process of gaining confidence, learning how to approach women, and how to get over rejection.  Our goal is to get you feeling great about yourself, help you get dates lined up, and teach you the skills to find and keep the relationship you want.

Here's How It Works for Men:

Kate Helps With:                                              Erik Helps With:                                      
Online profiles                                                  Approaching women
Finding dates                                                   Getting over rejection
Understanding women                                      Finding confidence
Planning dates                                                 Meeting people in person
Making an impression                                      
Questions about chivalry
Getting over a breakup
Style
Your Home

Pricing:

We believe that dating advice should be accessible to everyone and convenient.  Why would you pay $800 for a dating coach only to get 4 lessons and no live feedback or in person training?  Call us when you have a problem, and we'll help you fix it.  We've got your back!

Call Us
With Kate- 60 minutes.........$25
With Kate - 20 minutes or less.........$15

With Erik- 60 minutes.........$35
With Erik - 20 minutes or less.........$20

In Person
Meet with Kate or Erik in person.....$50/hour
Meet with Kate AND Erik in person.....$100/hour

Online Dating Profile Help
Profile Edits or Creation.....$10 thru November

If you know any women that need help as well.  Please let them know about us!  We're launching a sister site, GetYourChuck, very soon. 

    Erik in Action

For Women:

Kate Helps With:                                              Erik Helps With:                                      
Getting out there                                              Understanding the male perspective
Dating skills                                                     Understanding what turns men on/off
Getting over breakups                                      Test dates to learn what you can do better
Finding dates                                    
Getting your glow back                                              
Looking for red flags                                 
How to find the type of man for you
Style, Home, Health and Beauty

Email me us if you have any questions or if you would like to set up a time to talk.

I say it often, but it's very true... Women notice details, and we definitely notice what you're wearing!  Women generally will tell you that they are attracted to a certain "type" of guy, but when it comes down to it, we just want a clean, well-dressed man who is aware of his image. 

I'm not suggesting that you become a metrosexual, or that you change who you are or your personal style.  I'm just suggesting that you become aware of what is attractive to women.  These same concepts will help you make your best first impression with everyone you meet throughout your day, and I think you'll find yourself feeling more confident too.

Style Tips for Single Guys

• Take a Shower. I recommend taking a shower right before your date.  Not only will you smell good, but you'll feel great walking up to meet her.  Be sure to put on deodorant afterwards. There's no greater turn off than B.O. Cleanliness is key!
  
  
• Groom yourself. Women love clean shaven faces.  If you're going for the 5 o'clock shadow or have some other facial hair going on, make sure it's cleaned up and not too shabby.  Also, take care of any wild ear or nose hair, and get rid of the unibrow.  Be sure to check out the video below. If you have difficulty shaving (this is normal), go to a nice barber shop. 


• Get your haircut by a professional.  9.7 out of 10 women prefer short hair on men.  If you have long hair, it's time to get it cut.  Go ahead and make an appointment at a high end salon (like Seven, Gene Juarez or Vain in Seattle.)  If you're an outdoorsy guy, I'm okay with a high end barbershop like Rudy's in Seattle.  When you're changing your look, you want someone with a lot of talent and vision holding the scissors.  It's natural to be nervous about this, so grab a female friend or ask me to go with you.
  
  
• Buy fitted clothes.  Make sure you are buying clothes that are the right size.  This is especially important with jeans and shirts.  I recommend asking a fashion-minded female to help you shop, or call me and I'll help you.  If you've got the budget, you can also head to Nordstrom where the staff will gladly help you out. 
  
  
• Dress for the occasion.  Wear clothing that fits the nature of the date you're on.  If you're going for a walk around the city, wear jeans and a casual but flattering shirt and some cool, comfortable shoes that are not running shoes.  Even though it's a casual date, you want to look good.
  
  
• Show your style.  Show your personality through your clothing, and don't be scared to add accessories like watches, hats, or glasses. 
  
  
• Get your wardrobe basics.  Every guy needs several pairs of jeans, casual shirts, everyday shoes, a white button down, dress pants, dress shoes, a silk tie, blazer, and workout clothes.  Take the time to get your wardrobe cleaned out and getting ready will be a breeze.

If you have style questions or need help finding the right image for you, give me a call and I'll help- 206 588 KATE.  In the meantime, watch some of these Beauty Tips for Dudes in Chris Pirillo's Geek Eye for the Sloppy Guy. 

Eliminate Body Odor Tutorial

Unibrow Tutorial

You'll find more of Chris' Geek Eye for the Slobby Guy videos here.

I've had the best time helping guys with their online dating profiles, and it's working! I'm getting reports back that my profiles have doubled response rates.  If you have an online profile, you should consider getting a female editor.  Women read between the lines and look for detail.  Chances are you don't know your own red flags.  Be sure to read this post and email me at Kate@AreYouSingleSeattle. I'll write/edit your profile for $10.

Once you have your profile, you need a little strategy to make this work for you. 

I've got my online dating profile, now what?

1. Choose the right online dating site for you.  Pick one or two dating websites and stick to them.  Having a profile on every dating site is like spam.  You look desperate and lose value, and believe me, women notice.  It's also important to choose the right site.  Seattle's Lovelab is a great local website that has many creative, funky, and interesting people, yet men are outnumbered. Match.com is more generic but well-known.  eHarmony prides itself on a high success rate, but be ready for a long intake.  There are plenty of sites. Take time to check them out and see which is the best fit.
   
   
2. Choose who you email thoughtfully. Only email women who you are truly interested in. Women can detect if you are "spamming" them or if you are not genuine.  Don't send "winks" or instant messages- just emails.
   
   
3. Pay attention to her profile.  I know you guys are visual, but please make an honest effort to read profiles and actively listen to what she's saying. Make sure you let her know that you understand what she's interested in and what she's looking for. 
   
   
4. Look out for red flags.  Before you email her, make sure she's looking for a relationship too (and not just something casual.)  Also, check to make sure that your preferences and backgrounds are similar.  If she has children, don't email her unless you're really cool with that.  Same with location and driving ability. Maybe you don't mind driving 30 minutes for a date, but consider the possibility before emailing her.


5. Be witty and stand out.  Keep in mind that a lot of women get many emails on dating websites.  I hate to tell you, but, guys, you're outnumbered.  In order to get her attention and inspire her to write you back, be engaging and witty.  Ask her a question, tell her a funny story, and really reach out and speak to her like she's sitting at a coffee shop next to you. 


6. Know when to email.  If you send an email and she doesn't respond, don't email her back!  Believe me- she got the message, and she's not interested.  Send one email and respond only after she responds to you.  Please don't take it personally if she doesn't get back to you.  It's not a big deal- just move on and find someone else who sparks your interest.


7. It's all about timing.  There's no need for rapid fire emails.  If you send an email and she responds shortly there after, you don't have to send a second email immediately.  Sweet interactions are even sweeter with time... but don't wait too long!  Women are really turned off if you wait too long.  I know it's tricky, but keep things moving at a moderate speed.


8. If you want to see more photos... Be diplomatic about this. We know men like to see what we're working with, but ask nicely and with genuine interest.  Try something like, "I'd love to see more photos of you.  Here are some fun ones of me."  (Attach extra photos to the email.) 
   
    
9. Ask her on a date or call her after several emails. This is another timing issue.  Don't ask a woman on a date immediately. Women can feel like they are in a vulnerable position with online dating, so go easy.  On the other hand, don't take too long to move it along.  You don't want to develop any feelings for someone before you meet them in person.  Wait until you've sent 3-4 emails each before asking her out or asking for her number.
   
   
10. If she says yes, jump on it. It's important to keep momentum up, so if she agrees to a date or a phone call, jump on it.  Plan a date (call me if you need ideas) and get it scheduled.  If she gives you her number, call her within 24 hours.  Women love a man with a plan.
    
    
11. Make her feel secure. Because women can feel vulnerable dating online, be polite and don't ask her where she lives or anything too personal.  You'll get there over time, but be easy starting off. Some women may want to email a little more before meeting in person.  Respect this and make her feel like that's okay.
    
    
12. Don't talk about sex or politics.  These are two subjects that should be saved for later when you're really getting to know one another.  Keep it light and show her your confidence.

Dating can be confusing and difficult.  If you need help, don't hesitate to call me at 206 588 KATE.  I can help you with any of your dating issues- $20 for 60 minutes or less, $15 for 20 minutes or less. Check out AreYouSingleSeattle.com for more info.

It just goes to show that having confidence can open tons of doors.  A lot of guys shoot themselves in the foot without even making a small gesture.  Just smile at the girl, and see what you get back! 

Thanks xkcd for such an awesome cartoon, and thanks to Mike and Katherine for passing this along!

Looking at online dating profiles amazes me sometimes.  Not to be rude, but I sometimes wonder if guys consider how they're coming off to women.  I know we think very differently, but you should learn how to market yourself to us, or get help so that you can do it right.

The smartest online daters get the female perspective before they make their profiles live. Save yourself the effort, and just have a woman write it in the first place.  Better yet, email me at Kate@AreYouSingleSeattle.com, and I'll do it for you for $10.  Seriously, I want to help!

Here are some things you don't want to do:

1. Don't post a photo of yourself with another woman.  I don't care if it's your momma or sister.  Women will wonder who the woman is and why you cared to post a photo with her on your profile.  Your photo should have you and only you in it, and it should be a recent photo- very recent.
   
   
2. Don't lie about your height.  If things go well, she's going to meet you in person and figure it out anyway.  If you're 5'4", learn to be confident about it.  It's not that big of a deal.  (Call me if you need help with confidence by the way.)


3. Don't talk too much about sex.  To be clear, if you're looking for anything long term, don't mark the "casual relationship" or "just sex" options.  Women think it's unbelievably attractive when a guy is clear about wanting something long term.


4. Don't make spelling or grammatical errors.  As one of my friends said, if you make these errors, it looks like you either don't know proper English, or you just don't care.  Neither reason is attractive!


5. Don't be boring or passive. Tell people about yourself and what you're looking for. Tell us about who you are and be fun. Talk about your interests and things you like to do, and remember that words are important to women.  If we don't like what you write, we won't write you back (even if you're really good looking.) 


6. Don't be negative.  There's no reason to let people know that you are "an artist working as a barista in the day for some side cash."  Just be an artist and a barista and be proud of it!  Confidence is as attractive as it gets.  Avoid wishy-washy statements like, "I can't believe I'm dating on the Internet."


7. Don't be a wuss.  Women like men who are just that- men!  Most of us are deeply turned off my immaturity, and guys who don't know what they want in life.  It's okay if you don't 100% know what you want in life, but don't mention that in your singles ad.  And if you have tons of kittens or like cute and cuddly things, don't broadcast that until you've met someone you're into.


8. Don't mention your exs and past relationships.  This makes women insecure and turned off.  The only thing we want to know about your ex is that it's over; you don't like her; and, you never think about her. 

Marketing yourself can be difficult.  Need help?  Call me at 206 588 KATE.  I can help you with any of your dating issues.  Check out AreYouSingleSeattle.com for more info.

Every woman likes a man with a plan. 

Not only are we born organizers and planners, but having time to get ready for a date is important for women.  It gives us time to get excited about going out, think about what we're going to wear, and think about how great it will be to spend time with you. We also like to talk you up to our friends, and it makes us feel special.

I know this may seem a little foreign to some of you guys, but it's true.  Women are like a good steak.  You have to marinate a good steak for hours for it to be at its best... and the better the marinade, the better the steak- as long as you cook it right.  It's the same for planning a date.

You don't necessarily have to plan something elaborate or over the top.  Just plan something.  It's easy to get really comfortable after you've been dating several weeks or months (depending on your speed), but just because she seems fine with something more spontaneous and low key doesn't mean you're off the hook.  If things get too comfortable and there's a lack of planning on your part, your girl may start to feel like it's a casual thing and question if she's special and if you're into her.

What to do? 

• Go out for dinner, dessert, or a drink
• Meet friends or another couple for dinner
• Cook for her (or together)
• Go for a walk
• Go to a local festival or fair
• Movie (in the theatre or bonus points for a drive-in)
• Take the dog for a walk
• Ride bikes
• Go to a wine bar, winery, or brewery (take a cab please and buy a bottle to drink later)
• Go kayaking, white water rafting, canoeing
• Watch the sun set... or rise
• Picnic
• Go to cooking classes
• Take a ferry or boat ride
• Go for a drive

I've noticed that a lot of men tend to overthink women and their needs.  It's a complex subject, they say, because every woman is a person of her own with her own needs and personality.  That's true, and it's very nice that men value that... but the truth is more simple than that.  So the question is...

What DO women want out of a relationship?

It used to be that women were looking for protection, financial security, and someone who would be a good father.  It's true that some women are looking for these things now; however, things have changed for the modern, hard-working woman.  How?

Women are very independent now.  We have our own money.  We work long days too, and while a lot of guys carry a full schedule of extracurriculars (like sports, sporting events, community service, etc.), we're busy making sure we've met the needs of every person in our life.  Yes, seriously, this is how women work.  Our "To Do" lists are insanely long with preparing for friend's weddings, buying groceries to cook for you, checking in on our friend's new job, and buying birthday cards for our friends.

We live our lives through relationships (first) and work (second).  Because women are so busy, working and making sure everyone in their life is cared for, what we need most from men is emotional support and security.  We need to know that we can trust you.  We need to know that you'll be there for us if we're sad or need help, and we want understanding of how we feel.  As our girl Katy says, "We want men to be our cheerleaders and our backbones."

Women are more likely to "talk to think" than to "think to talk," so sometimes our words come out jumbled or confused.  If you can tell that your woman is just overwhelmed or flustered, all you have to say is, "Wow, I can see why you'd feel overwhelmed.  You do so much in one day."  A simple moment of understanding will take you miles with your woman and melt her bad mood away.

I know this is much easier said than done for you, guys.  But please learn how to make small understanding statements.  We're not asking you to fix anything for us or to take it away!  Just a quick word of understanding, and we're good.

Dear Seattle Guys,

We want to create a new type of singles event.  Seattle is FULL of smart, great people who don't know how to find each other or know what to say.  We want to change this... but we need your help!  Please take a moment and tell us what you are looking for in a singles event. 

Tell us and we'll deliver!

CLICK HERE

Hey Guys.  I've had this question twice this week... 

"If a girl says she's interested, says she wants to hang out but does nothing to actually back it up...
it's not worth my time, right??"

Probably Not

So here's the typical situation.  You met a girl either online or at an event.  She's cool and seems like she may be pretty interested in you.  She even gives you her number, and you make plans to hang out together soon...  You're thinking, "Great, it's on!"

You plan a cool date that you'll both enjoy, but the morning of your date you get a text message or call: "I'm tired. I just ran 3 miles.  Let's try again later."  

OR

"I'm having family issues.  I'll call you later."

What's the deal?  You probably feel a little denied, but maybe she really does have a family issue or maybe she just had a long week.  You consider this, decide to wait a couple days, and then send her a text.  She texts you back.  You make plans again...

"Something came up.  I want to get to know you, but I'm just super busy."

Stop.

If a girl is interested in a guy, she gets very excited to go on a date with him.  She thinks about what she's going to wear, and she tells all of her friends.  There's no way in hell (unless there is a SERIOUS family emergency) that she's going to miss the date!  Women are always up to being romanced.

One of the guys that asked me about this situation this week said that his date canceled twice due to fatigue.  That's crazy!  If a girl is interested, she would say, "I'm really tired but I want to see you.  Would you mind if we went to get coffee instead of going for that hike?"

If your date cancels the first or second date without a good excuse, stop and wait for her to give you a sign that she's interested.  Be cautious if a girl takes your phone calls and answers your texts but does not meet you in person.  In that situation, she probably likes your attention but isn't into you.

If this happens, don't let it get you down.  Finding the right person is sometimes a numbers game.  Get back out there, and find the girl that says, "Yes, I'd love to go out with you" and does.  Also, remember that it's not very nice to not be direct with people.  It's better to tell them you're not interested than to string them along.  Remember this in your own dating practice.

Is that your question?  If so, we have the answer.  Yes, we know how you feel about this topic, guys.  It's 2009.  Women want equality, and you want a chick to go out with you because she thinks you're awesome- not because you're paying.  Doesn't it just make sense to go dutch?

No.  We totally understand that you're not interested in gold diggers, and you shouldn't be.  We also get that it may be frustrating that you have to bring out the wallet just because you're the man.  But that is not the heart of the issue...

The truth of the matter is that girls are not sure if you're interested if you don't pay on the first date.  It has nothing to do with the money (as long as you've picked a decent woman as your date).  The reasoning goes back to traditional male/female roles.  Women generally look for a man who will adore, understand, and care for them.  Men generally look for a woman who will appreciate and accept them.  When you pay for a date, a woman feels adored and will therefore appreciate you. 

I have a couple ideas on how to make this situation feel more fair, if you're a man that's not as comfortable with this.  For starters, why don't you choose an activity for a first date that doesn't involve cash?  There are several benefits to this.  First, you avoid the "who pays" situation.  Second, activities that don't involve cash usually involve walking (in a park, art gallery, etc.) and talking and help you get to know one another.

If you prefer to go to a restaurant or do something that involves money, insist on paying if you're into the girl.  Do this if it's your first date, or if you've been on a couple dates but this is your first money situation.  Most women will do a very slow reach for their wallet when it comes time to pay.  Take that chance to say, "I've got it this time.  You can pay for our coffee later."  This indicates that you're not a money tree but gives her a moment to be completely romanced by your generosity. 

If you are not into the girl and don't want another date, you don't need to offer to pay unless you feel like being a complete gentleman.

I'm sure you all have opinions on this.  Share them with us in the comments!